Cute Brown Spinning Flower
april showers

at the mercy of a dream by siinamota

page inspired by petitgarcon's girlfriend lover theme
saturd ay the sixteenth

content warning(s) death/graves
i just got home from pennsylvania a few hours ago. i was there since the 8th. honestly i was actually kinda happy hanging out there even though i hadn't been being very productive. unsurprisingly, i'm gonna be having to do most of my homework tonight/tomorrow because i haven't been doing anything really but sleeping and hanging out with my family. i guess that's exactly what spring break is supposed to be though, huh?

i had a really good time though. i hadn't been working on my april diary until the 13th even though i had already wrote my first. i've just been so busy with all my other stuff lately. at least i finished my ap psych work and studied a bit for our eventual test- that was really my biggest worry for this spring break. the only thing i have to work on now is a slideshow + video of said slideshow for environmental science and an essay for ela

i guess i should probably talk about what i did over spring break so let's do this rapid fire bullet point style
  • i went to the park with my family and i drove in the parking lot and was extremely bad because i suck at driving. hey at least i got a bit of practice in
  • we went to red lobster which i haven't been to in like. forever. i didn't even remember what lobsters taste like. i actually got shrimp though and it was very good and the fries were awesome. saw my uncle there cause he works there too
  • for easter my family had ham, corn, mashed potatoes, and yams. i missed out on egg coloring and all the fun shit because my cousin got sick and i was not risking getting norovirus again
  • i played yahtzee for the first time in years and noticed that half of the score sheets had my dead grandfather's score which was over 600. insane
  • we found a dine in pizza hut which is insane because i have never seen one of those in new jersey. we also got the big dinner box that i haven't had in a year or so and i was very happy about it. pizza hut is my favorite pizza place
  • watched a ton of law and order svu and impractical jokers. i actually had never watched impractical jokers until this week but it's so fucking hilarious and i've been binging it since
  • decorated my great grandmother's house and tree for the fourth of july. every holiday she changes her christmas tree so we took down the easter stuff and put up all the MURICA stuff. i wanna be as on brand as her when i get my own house
  • speaking of decorating for holidays, we visited my grandfather, great grandfather, and aunt at the cemetery to decorate their graves for 4th of july. i don't think that my grandfather really cares about the 4th of july but whatever. i'm sure he appreciates that we come to visit
  • went to olive garden. another place i hadn't been to in a while because the one in the town i live closed down during covid. i wanted the kids pizza but i couldn't order shit off the kids menu 😭 so sad. breadsticks were absolutely amazing though of course
  • i finished one of my acdc rag contest shirt and then i lost LMAO. two people who have successful apparel brands won the category i joined. i don't think they didn't deserve it but it still is kinda sad to see people who already design shirts get a win. i'm more angry that acdc rag suddenly changed the amount of winners to 4 though since last year it was much more. here's my entry though. i'm planning on changing it to say hunipyon and selling it as a print. maybe next year i'll join with every category
  • i began and opened the interest check for my siinamota collab for this year! last year due to my grandfather's death i couldn't hold it but this year i'm planning on doing so much more than i did in 2021. im so excited really. if you ever heard of siinamota and are a vocaloid fan PLEASEEE join because it would mean so much to me. here's the carrd and the interest check
  • finally, i got giant bug bites. we still don't know what kinda bug it is but it was so fucking itchy and it definitely wasn't mosquitoes. so now i just have to live with these itchy bug bites until they go away. hope i don't have fleas!

  • so yeah that's the long and short of my spring break. on monday, i have to go back to school. to no one's surprise i am NOT excited. firstly, that entire project for environmental science is due literally monday. that's straight up not okay. i get right back from break and i have to do an entire project? there were a ton of people who were on vacation too so i have NO idea how they expect us to do that. not to mention i also have a fucking test on monday for ap psych too. two times this week i have to stay after school until around 6:30 or 7. this is because i have two AP mock exames and i NEED to practice shit before the actual exams. honestly, i know i'm not gonna feel up to it no matter what so i'm just gonna tough thru it

    before i finished this entry, i actually decided i was going to use chatgpt to do that environmental science project. it could totally have been made up shit but it let me finish the work. if i get caught i'll deal with it but it really doesn't matter

    i don't know what else to say for this entry so i'm just gonna leave it here basically. i've been making a lot of work for neocities lately so i'm really happy about that!!
    monday the third

    content warning(s) emetophobia
    the weather today is cold and windy but at least the sun is bright. i feel like lately the weather has been extremely unpredictable and to be honest i HATE it. the weekend had some very nice rain though. i don't know if it's just me but i've always found rain and storms to be super calming. unless it is actual crazy thunder and lightning (very very frightening) i always love listening to the rain and the wind. the forecast for the rest of the week actually looks right up my alley with thunderstorms and showers

    i've been watching a ton of pixielocks videos lately- just older stuff like from 2018-2020 because i'm insane and have been watching their stuff in order of upload date- and it's making me realize that i do genuinely want to be a youtuber T__T i really think that i would be a good blogger and i think that it would be really nice for people to have a popular more kawaii/jfashion phys disabled creator but honestly? i just barely have any energy. i hope that maybe one day i can get some and actually do videos

    speaking of pixielocks though, i have decided that i want to start doing monthly favorites on these diaries. i think it's a good way of being able to keep track of things that make me happy and being able to ground myself and remember what i did in each month. i think that would be one of the things i would definitely do if i were to actually be a youtuber. that and a lot of magical girl videos and shit like that. i feel like i would have a very specific niche and like 3 people would watch it

    i was sick all of last week and honestly a little bit during the weekend. i had norovirus and it was HELL. genuine hell. i was throwing up every single hour or so and i couldn't even hold down anything. i had really wanted to play the sims because i was missing school anyway but i felt so sick that i couldn't even do that and that was really just proof of how terrible it was. i missed three days of class because of it. i haven't been feeling right for a while now but i'm trying to fight it because my spring break starts on the 7th. of course, though, i missed GIANT things while i was gone. two huge ap psych tests, a few apush quizzes, a big ela project, and a test for science. i've been steadily working on these- i only need to take one ap psych test and do the ela project. that's just for actual schoolwork though. outside of schoolwork, i have a few more things i have to worry about. my goal is for today to finish all the schoolwork and hopefully no one will assign anything more because we only have 3 days left. i unfortunately doubt i won't get anything though

    i think that i need to really start just doing schoolwork when it's assigned. i've never had such a big problem with procrastination as i have this year i've noticed. i don't know if it has something to do with my depression or somehow my adhd is worse or whatever but i've just been really bad lately. i'm hoping that spring break will help me just pick up all the stuff i've been putting off and actually do it. i want to start holding myself accountable and i keep slipping up with it- it sucks really. i just hope that i'm going to be able to genuinely change that

    today, my plan is to do all my homework. do that ela project, study for ap psych and for apush, then do the stuff i need to do that isn't related to school. that being a commission and working somewhat on my short film. even if i don't finish the comm or even if i only do a little bit of the short film i'm gonna be excited if i just get on it. i think that's my plan of attack to try to keep myself responsible- do a little bit and then start taking more leaps. after i get those things done, i have a list of a few things i want to do. at the top of it is definitely the acdc rag shirt contest. i want to do every category for acdc rag but considering the time i have to get it done, i'm focusing most on the pop category

    here's my ideas so far:

    for pop, my main inspiration is birthday parties, arcades/chuck e cheese type places, funfetti and 80s aesthetics. i want to make a cute girl with a big and cute cake. the candles will say acdc rag in rainbow. for the back i wanna have like an ingredients list like on the back of a cake box but i might mess around with other things for it

    for pastel, this is one of them that i have an actual name for. i wanna call this one “love bug” based off of the ILOVEYOU.txt virus. you know just the anime girl comes to real life and is in love with you but she's kinda creepy. i wanna do like needy streamer overload, 90s web, ms paint, windows aesthetic with a little bit of vaporwave in there just because vaporwave is always in those types of aesthetics

    for dark, this one's completely self indulgent. i wanted to put just two lesbian vampires biting into an anatomically correct heart. very gothic and kind of BL by queen bee music video inspired for the front. the back i'm very dead set on it being a spine thing i know it looks like ribs there but i'm gonna fix it i promise. i was inspired a lot by the haunt couture i think the line is called of ghoulia from monster high

    i'm not 100% sure that all of these are gonna come to fruition since the deadline is april 10th but i'm really hoping i can!

    now aside from the acdc rag contest really the things i want to do are mostly just related to like my game developing and just playing the sims. i wanna do a vn for a game jam with my good friend and i also need to start working on phantasmagorical more. oh man, maybe i can work more on my ynfg site too. not today specifically but just in general. that's a big plan of spring break- working on neocities! i hope that i'll be able to get at least a few pages up by the end of the week of spring break, maybe even a page by the end of this week lol

    for spring break, i'm actually going to be mostly in pennsylvania. i'm excited somewhat because i like being in PA but it's literally the entire week until thursday so i'm not really looking forward to not even be able to have a hangout with my friends. i'm gonna miss my friend group's mario movie trip too. ugh i'm just really upset about that and i'm trying not to think about it. but it sucks. i hope i can hang out with my friends on friday and the weekend before we get back from spring break

    there's one more thing i wanna talk about in this entry and that is my summer precollege program! i had meant to make a entry back when i had gotten the scholarship but time just was running away from me. either way, i said it in my blog and i'll say it again. I GOT A FULL SCHOLARSHIP!!! i'm going to be going to a 4 week art college program with my best friend who got a half scholarship. please maybe think about donating to her to give her money so she can pay off the 3k. any amount counts!!!

    i'm super stoked to share a dorm with her and really of course i'm stoked to actually do all the art stuff. i wanna take a trip to ikea or smth to get a few things for my dorm because i don't even have like a working reading light. i'm also gonna have to get prepared to be away from my mother and my cats for a month. i know it's just a month but i've never been away for that long so i'm a little bit scared. but it's worth it! i'm so very happy about it and i can't wait to continue my art journey

    school is ending soon, it's weird that i've been writing an entry throughout the second half of school and i actually finished it but it's nice. i'm excited to get home and probably make myself a hot cup of tea and toasted peanut butter and jelly- my favorite