31st of may
i woke up late today T__T i didn’t miss the bus or anything but i woke up at 6:30 and my bus leaves at like 6:40 so i had no time to do basically anything. not even to get food and barely enough time to find and take my medicine because they weren’t in my container since last i filled it was in fact last tuesday. i gotta remember to fill it all when i get home because my mother is always so annoyed when i don’t have it filled

i had work yesterday and it went fine really. i have work thursday and friday too and there’s only one other person scheduled aside from me so that’s gonna be realllllllll fun. (sarcasm) i don’t understand why my boss can’t make a schedule that has us sufficiently staffed but whatever. more money for me even if it means more work

today i have to go over a few apps for my zine because it’s getting close to the closing of contributor apps so me and my friend who’s also a mod need to go over basicallly all of the current applications. there’s some really really good ones in there, i’m so excited to continue working on it. i’m also excited to make my own art for it because i in the 2021 version i actually did not have any art for it since i was so busy working on it

all my paperwork for my summer program is in. i might’ve said that before but i think it’s clear i’m just really really excited. i actually feel like an artist because i’m getting able to go to classes and get a full scholarship to a program. i’m seriously so excited and can’t believe i’m going to be away from home for a whole month much less living with my best friend

i started playing pjsk again but only the english version because honestly switching from japanese to english account every 30 seconds always pisses me off so i’ve just dealt with it. i just like mindless entertainment and mindless entertainment includes rhythm games for me

june is soon and i’m excited. i’m going to be dyeing my hair very soon so i can have it ready for my senior photos. i also have an aquarium trip and junior fun day which is basically just field day for juniors

life is seriously just going so great for me lately. shit went down this weekend but i can live with it cause i know i did the right thing. i have really nothing else to end this entry on. i’m excited to start working on my neocities more as the summer starts!

30th of may
i had therapy and went bowling yesterday. i had the most insane weekend but can’t really talk about it because i’m getting stalked LOL hi if you’re reading this. either way, it was crazy, but thankfully my friend slept over on saturday to sunday. we watched re: cutie honey (well, finished it because we had started it before) and she was extremely surprised by how gay it was. i guess i should’ve expressed that they all but have gay sex on screen and even then they kinda do. re: cutie honey is seriously such a good fucking show probably my favorite piece of magical girl media right below revolutionary girl utena. hideaki anno was cooking up a storm with it. and it’s so ahead of it’s time like promare is basically the yaoi version of re: cutie honey. it’s only 3 episodes all being around ~46 minutes so go watch it

the point of our sleepover was to basically finish cutie honey and then have her show me whatever lupin iii movie/episode she chose. she chose to show me first contact it’s from 2002 i think? it was a lot different from the first one she showed me which i think was literally a 70s one. i love early 2000s anime so much though it was very awesome and i enjoyed it a lot. i like when goemon is just jumpscaring the audience with doing random samurai shit. like they gotta fit him in somehow so they make him do samurai shit

while my friend was over we got pizza and went out for ice cream and then in the morning got dunkin for breakfast. it’s very fun having a friend who has a car let me just tell you that. my final driving lesson is soon and then i’m gonna have to take my driving test hopefully i can actually get a car unlike my brother who has just had an idle drivers license for like 4 years. i’m different guys trust me

so yeah after my sleepover, i went bowling yesterday because we had off of school and it was really really fun. i haven’t been bowling in years especially not at the specific place we went. the food was extremely mid and there was only one woman working at the food counter but it was okay because i had a lot of fun. i did not win at all i actually was not anywhere near winning because i suck at bowling but i at least got one strike and that’s good enough for me. also they played bloody mary by lady gaga and it angers me that when people saw me freaking out over it they probably thought i was a wednesday netflix fan. i am an OG!!!! i need to start gatekeeping lady gaga i swear to god

like i said, i had therapy too it was literally right before bowling. it was a really good session because i basically came to the resolve that i do not care about people who hurt me and i’ve done everything i can to try to help them. my weekend was insane but it really showed me that i am a bigger person than others at least

canto iv of limbus is coming out tomorrow! very exciting even though i started season 1 really late and therefore do not have a lot of good cards. i’m ready to know about yi sang anyway because he’s one of the characters i basically don’t care about simply because i know nothing. i’m really just interested in everyone’s stories!!!

i finished my outline for my research paper so i’m gonna have to work on that now. still don’t understand why i’m given projects in the less than a month that i have left of school but i suppose teachers just love torturing their students and somehow also torturing themselves because they have to grade these. bye guys!!!

24th of may
i have a research paper (the one on girl interrupted) and now another research paper on the bluest eye due. the second one i’m supposed to do with a partner but the one person i asked to be my partner had already partnered up with someone and even after his partner said he could work with me he said no. i am literally an elementary school student being last picked for a gym class

today i forgot to go to my environmental science class to make up a test. i feel really stupid about that but to be fair, i didn’t even look at the info i was supposed to for it so i wouldn’t have gotten anything right anyway. i think that i'm just gonna wake up early tomorrow and actually try to do some work because i've had delayed openings all week. i need to work on my other papers now too

i never understood why teachers give a shit ton of homework and projects literally in the last month or so of school. we have less than a month left like what's the point. also my ELA teacher isn't allowing me into AP lit even though we've only written two pieces of writing and she hasn't even graded one of them. i might just email the AP lit teacher at this point and use the fact that i'm friends with his past student to get into it. i literally hate my ELA teacher

i think i'm out of my depressive episode however that means that i do not feel like watching bojack horseman anymore even though i'm almost done with it. right now, i've just been working on my neocities and a few other things. definitely not my fucking homework though. i'm just hoping i can get that done later on before school ends. it's probably not TOOOO hard. i've been watching defunctland a lot though because it brings me a lot of comfort

i want to try to work on a music page and work more with iframes. especially because i've seen a lot more people have their sites look better if they put iframes instead of like specific things. idk. i've planned to have therapy every other monday at 4 and that's good for me cause i really need schedules since i'm really autistic. tomorrow i have work but i have a 4 day weekend so it might be ok. i'm doing something crazy this weekend so that's going to be fun and then i'm going bowling on monday. i just want school to be over but it's ok it's ok im soooo close

i seriously don't have anything else rn ummm listen to this song i love shiina ringo

20th of may
content warning(s): grooming mention
i am kinda extremely stupid for not finishing my short film earlier. to be fair, as time went on i realized that this short film thing was really fucked up for giving us like 4 months and expecting us to get 5 minutes of clean and perfect animation. i’m just starting to think the people who run this festival don’t understand that it’s insanely more difficult for one person to animate an entire film compared to one person recording a bunch of random students as actors and then editing it

so, in conclusion, i didn’t finish my short film. i instead sent a passive aggressive email saying how the amount of time that was given made it next to impossible to finish it in an actually animated form. her response was an equally passive aggressive “ok” but i always find children being passive aggressive to adults is much more defendable than adults being passive aggressive to children. anywho, i’m still going to try to work on the film itself— maybe submit it to film festivals or do it for next year's festival. apparently a ton of people dropped out so clearly there was a problem in giving your film artists from february to april 20 to do shit. plus one of the "animated" films is gacha life so. whatever. it's whatever.

i've been neglecting my neocities again. this seems to happen a lot. it's once again just a mix of actual problems and schoolwork. i think that i am just so excited for the summer and so ready to get everything done that i haven’t had time for like hobbies lately which is also a reason i couldn’t get that film festival thing done. oh also i lost the acdc rag contest but it’s fine bc that means i still have next year for my audience to grow and maybe win!

the two newest things i’ve had going on lately is 1. my siinamota zine and 2. i finished my ap exams. on much less important things, i’ve been watching bojack horseman, i watched girl interrupted for the first time, and i got into project moon games which has been a big part of my what my brain power has been taking up lately. i've been working very hard on my siinamota zine specifically though. right now, contributor apps are open!! you can check them out on our twitter @siinamotacollab or go on our carrd to find out more. i’m really excited for this zine. it’s my first actual “official zine” even though i did the collab in 2021. i've been working really hard on it so really i just hope everyone else sees how much i care about this project

with ap exams, i feel like i really did good. actually maybe just did good on ap psych. i didn’t feel very confident with the apush exam if i'm being honest. though, i didn't feel very confident with apush as a class in general. i think i did good on the DBQ and perhaps the LEQ but the multiple choice? yeah almost all of it was completely random. for ap psych i literally crunched the numbers though and i either got a 5 or 4. i'd at least accept a 3 on apush

today, i performed my aapi kpop mashup dance at a festival with my dance crew. it was the most fun i've had in so long and i missed dancing so so much. when we were waiting for our performance i started crying because i hadn't danced in so long and i was actually being accepted and accomodated for. the reason i left my dance studio because the teachers wouldn't accomodate for my disabilities. it feels so amazing being in a dance crew with friends and not just stereotypical mean girls who make fun of body hair. everyone has body hair, arianna. she would literally ask me to put up my arms and then point at my armpit hair and laugh

but yeah, i performed today. the dances i was a part of was lipstick by orange caramel, rover by kai, antifragile by le sserafim, like ooh-aah by twice, tell me by wonder girls, and hype boy by newjeans. personally my only gripe was newjeans because i just feel so weird supporting newjeans or dancing to them at all since there's a 14 year old in it. but i decided my morals didn't really matter for a local performance, just i wouldn't really support them on any other platform or even listen to their music cause it just grosses me out really. i did so good and so did my entire crew though. i'm so so so happy

on another note, neocities. let's talk about some of my plans. i have this ocd thing where if i just think of something or put it in a list where only i can see it i won't actually be able to go through with it so i'm going to put it on here as a list so i can work on it. no timeframe because i feel like puttinga timeframe in will also make it so i can't do it but here's my plans

  • remake enter/warning page
  • write hello charlotte page
  • archive blog page and furthermore make an archive page
  • redo my about page
  • more quotes for my quotes page and fix the absolute positioning on it
  • do my song journal page, dream diary page, cat page, fics/writing page, articles page + write an article, resources page, art page, and bookmarks page
  • update the background for my yume nikki fangames website because its fucked up and start the yume nikki section
  • so that's my neocities plans and i think i'm going try to work on the easiest first and then move onto the harder ones as i continue on…so probably writing the hc page and archiving and enter page

    my summer precollege program is getting closer and closer. i'm so so excited and i genuinely can't wait. it gets me through the day thinking about it. which is weird cause most people would NOT be wanting to think about doing work everyday during the summer but i DO because i'm gonna be in a room with my best friend for a whole month. sometime late in june we’re planning on maybe going to ikea and a few other places to buy some of the needed things. i turned in all my paperwork so i really don’t have to worry about anything aside from the stuff to pack. plus, we get the art supplies free and we can keep them soooo i’m super excited. i probably will be inactive during that time because i really just wanna experience the college life lmao

    now about my media consumption in the month or so that i haven’t updated. on a whim i decided to start bojack horseman because i had been hearing that people think it’s similar to moral orel. moral orel is like my favorite show ever so i was hoping that it would be really similar but i feel like the only similarity is they so happen to be animated adult shows that talk about a lot of difficult topics. it took a while for me to actually get hooked onto bojack because the first few seasons were a bit meh but i just finished season 4 and yknow it is pretty good. i just feel like there’s a few gripes i have on it specifically the way season 1 treated bojack and sarah lynn hooking up as just a joke and still haven’t really acknowledged that as extremely weird and grooming. i’ve heard that everything really does just get better so i’m hoping on that. i really liked the episode “the old sugarman place” and “that’s too much, man” so far. i’ll see what i feel about the rest of the show when i finish it

    i also watched the movie girl interrupted for the first time with my mother. she’s really been meaning to show me it for like years so it’s surprising it took so long for us to actually watch it but i wanted to watch it because for apush, i’m going to write a research paper on it. needless to say, that shit changed my life. i can’t speak of all the mental illnesses but about the ones i have, it was really an amazing representation of them, especially bpd. i haven’t seen such a good representation of bpd like ever so it was awesome. my research paper is basically gonna be on the historical and mental health accuracy in the story. especially based on the accuracy of the mental hospitals in the 60s. maybe i’ll upload it when i finish it, i’m not sure

    finally, i’ve gotten really into project moon games. my bestie emmy got into limbus and a few of my friends had also gotten into limbus so i started looking into it and i’m really actually in love with it so much. i’ve known of project moon games for a while because i’m a huge mili fan but i haven’t actually gotten into it aside from playing a bit of lobotomy corporation until i realized i kinda hate that game. but i’ve been watching the lobcorp stories and i’m gonna start library of ruina soon so i’m doing really good actually. limbus i’m doing fucking awesome at, i finished the hell’s chicken event and i have so many awesome cards. y’all should add me on limbus

    my favorite character so far in just the entire projmoonverse are sinclair (i think she’s a lesbian tbh), yesod, netzach, binah, angela, rodya, gregor, and argalia. really i like everyone in limbus tbh except kromer. fuck kromer

    i think when i do the articles page i want to write something about limbus company idk what yet but i just love limbus and i want to talk about it all the time i even forced my girlfriend to play it

    before i finish this entry i need to talk about queen bee okay so queen bee just uploaded their newest MV of their single mephisto and that shit is AMAZING. i don’t want to even talk too much about it because i don’t want to spoil how awesome it is so i’m literally just gonna add it here and you guys should watch it. queen bee is like my favorite band of all time i beg you to stan them
    they have started adding english, chinese, german and french subs so you know what that (might) means….? POSSIBLE QUEEN BEE WORLD TOUR. god i hope so. i’m always upset i didn’t see them at LA or seattle at sakuracon. but it’s ok guys. i will absolutely see them live one day

    i think that’s all for today. i only have 18 ½ days left of school. wish me luck!